We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
