and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
