he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize