i think my tv is drunk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
