Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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