dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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