apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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