Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
