This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
