You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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