last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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