I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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