New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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