We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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