thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize