How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
