Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
