There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
