I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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