I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
