I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
