I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
