Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
