i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
