i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
