You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
do herpes really smell.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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