You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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