I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's official drugs can't kill me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
