We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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