My brain says no but my pants say off.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
