i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize