i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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