i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
