if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
