Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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