we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
