She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
where does the pee come out of this thing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
