I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
