a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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