I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
