Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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