end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You pole danced in your parka.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
