my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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