so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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