broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think people are normalizing furries
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
