just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize