Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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