We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
