TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
