just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
