don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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