actually, I'm a sock model
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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