omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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