if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize