i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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