I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
