Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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