about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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