It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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