I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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