i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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