I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
