no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
