he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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