After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He passed out mid-signature
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
