PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
