I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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