You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize