Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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