Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
