drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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