I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Your penis caused this!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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